Thursday, July 10, 2008

Menstrual comes again

Now that I take the contraceptive jab, my menses had gone haywired. My previous menses ended a week a go and now it's back again. Not only with the cramp but with the bloated tummy and pimples!

Big ugly juicy pimples.

And my mood swings is having double action.

I am going to see my g.p tomorrow for another jab, also to consult her regarding this matter. It is tiring to have menstrual this frequent and menstrual means no sex.

That can leads to triple action mood swing.

Monday, July 7, 2008

My worries

I sometimes found myself telling people to keep holding on to their love. Although many years ago, I experienced the feeling of being out of love.

I love that guy, to me he was everything and I was pretty sure that we will end up together. Yet the dreams were shattered when he can't provide me with my needs. That time was presence and security. I admit, I am not an easy person to handle. Especially back then.

I left him not too long. Can't really see why should I hang on any longer.

I am more matured now, I changed too. But how can I save myself from falling out of love again?

At times I keep asking myself, is this how my life going to be? Bury in worries and convincing myself, once I take the huge step, it should be forever? I know I can still go on like this, at least for now. But the little flickering treacherous feeling might spread, not to soon I hope.

I pray to God so that it will always stay. I do.

But I don't know, maybe He is trying to punish the little selfish girl in me.

I am so sorry.

In the end

I am in the midst of baking pound cheesecake when the mixer broke down. I had to use my own energy to beat them up. Not only that, I set the temperature too high and now the cake is burn!
My poor cake!

Yes I am a housewife again. But this time I figured I can not rely on other people who can only promise to make things better but didn't happen or work out in the end. I know I sounded bitter, because honestly I am. I was told I would be given some money if I quit but I foresee that it will not come true, looking at the current situation. Well words are just words. As much as I loathe them, that is just out of my control. Unless, I demand for my freedom which is.. let say give it sometimes. Like I use to say to people, if you are not happy about anything, do something about it.

Well, I am going to start something on my own. I am not sure whether or not it will turn out to be ok but I just have to try.

Ok, gotto check the cake.