Trouble

I don't know where else to go.

I am doing my on business now and I am thinking to expand it. The thing is I need some capital. So I was thinking maybe I could get some from dad and I told mom about it.

The thing is, she looked reluctant and she didn't even look at me. And then I get him.

He still owe her some money and we are still living in her house, almost for free. And I feel so humiliated.

I feel so bad. I am start to think this was a mistake.
Perhaps I should not be where I am now.

I know I am a bad person but I do hope God save His mercy for me. Pleaselah.

See the world

I want to go and see the world and I don't want to do it when I am already old, hardly walking. I want to see cultures and fashion and oh, the food too.

The question is when? How?

When are all my dreams will come true?

Sad. Sad.

Ok, I'll be patient but I don't know till how long can I stay and I am counting the time. Within 3 years from now, things MUST get better. MUST because I want to raise a child and I don't want to deal and live with all this shittiness anymore.

So what is they don't?

Just say, I have my plan already and a track record.

I don't like

I hate getting phone calls or sms from banks or credit cards company telling me that this is due and that is due when it's not even mine. It is distracting and making me feel bad. And annoyed. I don't want to know that certain certain person fail to pay their debts or whatsoever.

Can they stop calling me already?

Or should I change my number?

Summer

The summer is on.

It is time for maxi dress and floral prints. I can go with floral prints but maxi dress? Perhaps it's because I am vertically challenged. Still I think this dress is to die for!

Hmm. Maybe I would reconsider.

And oh, we also have jumpsuit! The last time I remember wearing jumpsuit as the in thing was back in 1995. And now it's back again.

Which reminded me of a patterned jumpsuit my mom custom maid for me when I was 14. I felt so fugly back then but for all you know, they are the in thing now.

And of course by now, you should realise the existence of the gladiator sandals if you are a fashionista.

I love the one that is shown here. The thing is, everywhere I go, I will see women adorning the gladiator sandals and that is a turn off. I know it's the in thin but everybody? Come on!

What else? Oh polka dots!

I love the design of the swimsuit too, make you look curvier.

So now you know what to buy to be "in" the crowd.

Check up

I got my continual medication today, 2 days late than the usual date. The dr said it should be fine but I am skeptical although I know she is the dr.

Anyway, she asked me to do a self breast check up when my menses end. What is she trying to say, that the medication she gave me might contribute to cancer?

Or maybe I am the one who is paranoid?

Menstrual comes again

Now that I take the contraceptive jab, my menses had gone haywired. My previous menses ended a week a go and now it's back again. Not only with the cramp but with the bloated tummy and pimples!

Big ugly juicy pimples.

And my mood swings is having double action.

I am going to see my g.p tomorrow for another jab, also to consult her regarding this matter. It is tiring to have menstrual this frequent and menstrual means no sex.

That can leads to triple action mood swing.

My worries

I sometimes found myself telling people to keep holding on to their love. Although many years ago, I experienced the feeling of being out of love.

I love that guy, to me he was everything and I was pretty sure that we will end up together. Yet the dreams were shattered when he can't provide me with my needs. That time was presence and security. I admit, I am not an easy person to handle. Especially back then.

I left him not too long. Can't really see why should I hang on any longer.

I am more matured now, I changed too. But how can I save myself from falling out of love again?

At times I keep asking myself, is this how my life going to be? Bury in worries and convincing myself, once I take the huge step, it should be forever? I know I can still go on like this, at least for now. But the little flickering treacherous feeling might spread, not to soon I hope.

I pray to God so that it will always stay. I do.

But I don't know, maybe He is trying to punish the little selfish girl in me.

I am so sorry.

In the end

I am in the midst of baking pound cheesecake when the mixer broke down. I had to use my own energy to beat them up. Not only that, I set the temperature too high and now the cake is burn!
My poor cake!

Yes I am a housewife again. But this time I figured I can not rely on other people who can only promise to make things better but didn't happen or work out in the end. I know I sounded bitter, because honestly I am. I was told I would be given some money if I quit but I foresee that it will not come true, looking at the current situation. Well words are just words. As much as I loathe them, that is just out of my control. Unless, I demand for my freedom which is.. let say give it sometimes. Like I use to say to people, if you are not happy about anything, do something about it.

Well, I am going to start something on my own. I am not sure whether or not it will turn out to be ok but I just have to try.

Ok, gotto check the cake.

Fatty Crab

At this moment, I am craving for chilli crabs from fatty crab. Oh my goodness, I can taste the succulent crab in my mouth already.

There are two branches of the restaurant that I know of but my favourite is in the mines. Reason being the ambiance, next to the lake and somehow my taste bud told me that the crabs that they served there are fresher than the other branch. It might be just me, still I prefer to come to the mines. Plus, the other branch seemed not to have asparagus and some other veggies much to my disappointment. I love their buttered asparagus, minus the scallops or whatever they offered to put in.

And oh, the gravy is so nice that you would not even want to waste even a small portion of it. Usually, I will order some bread to be dipped into the gravy. As I am writing this, I am trying my best not to salivate and it is almost impossible not to do so.

I think, I might just go there today. Hihi

Dry skin

I just realised today that I have cracked elbow. OK, well, not really crack but the skin is peeling!!! My dehydration is getting worst. And I thought, my skin is improving!

The truth is, I haven't been drinking lots of water lately, partly because I seemed to forget and another part is because I seemed to be having bloatness, making my tummy look full and round. I don't want to be mistaken for a pregnant lady.

Speaking of which, more and more my friends are getting baby. Well, the truth is I want one but I am so scared thinking about labour, I am scared that I would not be a good mother [there's a possibility there] and financially, I am not stable yet. Although I don't know whether or not the $ factor is going to be resolved. Haih.

Back to my skin problem. New resolutions: - to drink lots of water and if I can, to go for body spa.

Please I am noly at my late twenties, I still can preserve my looks, thank you.

Menses

I realise something. I bloat during my pre menstrual cycle, and it was something which is can be seen with the eyes. Initially, I thought I was gaining some weight that my hips are no more that narrow but then, it all change after my menses comes.

Not just that, I thought SKII failed me by giving me lotsofbig juicy pimples, that I can't help squeezing. Now there are ugly marks on my face. Actually it was my hormones.

I am on constraceptive jabs. Had to take it every 3 months and supposedly, according to other people experiences, I will not have my menses at all. I did somehow but the side effect on my side was, I am having pregnancy symtomps. Tender breat, nausea, mood swing, urge to pee rapidly and craving.

At fisr, I thought I was pregnant but then when I did the pregnancy test, I was not.

Weird.

Oh anyway, I am drooling for this pair of nine west gladiator sandals! I am thinking should I or should I not get them. The thing is my budget is a bit tight but if I don't get them, I won't be able to sleep peacefully at night.


or


Hmm.

Plan

I am thinking to quit my job.

And start something on my own!
Thinking about it make me excited already. I am not really cut to work for people because I enjoy doing things at my own time.

This will not be easy, but I will give my best effort. Or else, no income, which will make me feel worst. I can't depend and rely on Phabmister solely. He needs to entertain himself too especially when he is working hard to earn that money.

So yeah. Wait and see :)

Whinehouse

This is yet another whining entry.

I want to get out from this country, from this life. I know I am supposed to be thankful but yeah, here I am writing all this.

It sucks to be stuck in this situation where I have to go to work :P although I know that I am not supposed to feel this way. But, I did, I did stressed that this is not the life that I want.

I want to own my own place and I don't want to see the people I know now. Wait, this sounds like I want death to come to me isn't it?

Don't knowlah. If only I am capable to make things happen on my own, it will happen long time ago.

Argh. I am stressed out. I can't tell anyone because making people upset is not a nice thing to do.

Aqua Physic

I have been using SKII for more than a month now.So far I am happy with what it had done to my complexion.

The most famous product for SKII is The Facial Essence aka The miracle Water. The name explains everything, it is miracle alright! I remember how dull and even my complexion used to look like but after using it for more than a month, my skin tone is now even.

Did I tell you that my skin was dehydrated too? The surface was rough and you could see some of the skin were screaming out trying to break free from the surface. So sad, not to mention ugly :(.

Then I decided to try Aqua Physic serum. Supposedly, I have to purchase the Aqua Physic gel too but since I am under a tight budget, I only managed to grab the serum.

Only after 2 weeks, the rough skin was gone. Still, they are few stubborn piled up dead cell left.
I was thinking to go for their facial next months. Well, it will all depends on my budget.

Hopefully. I can get my hands on the gel too.

Clear skin, here I come.

New skin care

I am currently changing my skincare to sk II. So far I tried the facial cleanser and the famous FT Essence.

Well, the Ft essence is good. It makes the skin colour even but I am still having flaky skin. Hmm maybe I should try their hydrating range Aqua physic

Oh, I also ordered the eye treatment film because my eyes really need S.O.S

Will update the outcome!

Toothache

I am having a toothache. It hurts so much.

Maybe it's time to visit the dentist.

Making pancakes

Since Phabmister has started working, I thought I want to be encourage him by becoming a good wife. First step, is to prepare him breakfast.

Hmm. Actually my choices were quite limited because ermm, my skill is limited? But since I love pancake I decided to try making some. Found a recipe and altered it to my taste.

Original Pancake

• 2 cups plain flour
• 3 teaspoons baking powder
• 2 1/2 tablespoons caster sugar
• 1 1/2 cups milk
• 2 eggs
• 60g butter, melted, cooled
• extra melted butter, for cooking


Method

1. Sift flour and baking powder into a large bowl. Stir in sugar.
   



2. Whisk milk, eggs and butter together. Add to flour mixture. Use a wooden spoon to mix until well combined. Cover and stand batter for 15 minutes.
   



3. Heat a non-stick frying pan over medium heat. Brush pan with a little extra butter.
   



4. Pour 1/3 cup of batter into pan and use a spoon to spread batter out to a 12cm (diameter) circle. Reduce heat to low. Cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or until bubbles start to appear on surface. Turn and cook for a further 2 minutes, or until cooked through.
   



5. Wrap pancake in a clean tea towel to keep warm. Repeat with remaining batter, greasing pan in between pancakes.
   

Well, initially I did not melt the butter thus making the batter thick and uneven.I had to throw them away and make a second one, exactly according to the instruction.

I must say, it taste better than any pancake you can get from your nearest breakfast restaurant. The pancake goes well with butter and honey. I am thinking to use maple syrup next. Maybe marmalade for phabmister since he loves marmalade so much.

Anyway my point is, hello world, I now can cook pancake!

To buy or not to buy

I am confused.

I saw a good deal of SK II product on ebay. The problem lies with the price, it is too cheap for a genuine SK II product.I contacted the seller and she assured me that it's an authentic product and she got a good rating from her previous buyer. Sounds too good to be true.

Now should I or should I not buy the product?

Also, any review on Olay product for dry skin?

Whoever read this, please help.

Hainanese Chicken Rice

Since today is Sunday, I decided to cook hainanese chicken rice based on a recipe that I found at recipezaar, but the recipe was improvised according to my instinct and my taste.

The recipe may look intricate but trust me , it's quite easy and not to mention delicious too.

Ingredients

For the rice

• 3 cups long grain rice
• 2 tablespoons chicken fat, with skin (I know..but it makes the rice taste really good)
• 2 tablespoons water
• 2-3 cm ginger, grated
• 3-4 garlic clove, grated
• 1-2 teaspoon salt (to taste)
• 3 1/2 cups chicken stock, according to rice package instructions (or more, reserved from chicken that you will boil)
• 2 screwpine leaves (optional..it will make the rice more fragrant)

Hainanese chicken

• 1 whole chicken
• Chicken feet or chicken bones
  
• water, enough for boiling chicken
• 1 piece thumb sized ginger, smashed
• 4-5 garlic clove, peeled and smashed slightly
• 1 teaspoon salt
• A bowl (small) of ground nuts.
  

Chilli garlic sauce for dipping

• 10 fresh red chilies
• 2 cm piece ginger
• 4 garlic clove
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon lime juice
• 2 tablespoons chicken stock (from the boiled chicken. This stock is essential for the chilli sauce)

Ginger sauce for dipping

• 75 g ginger
• 6 garlic clove
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon lime juice
• 2 tablespoons chicken stock (again stock from the boiled chicken)

Sauce for chicken

• 1 tablespoon garlic oil
• 1 teaspoon sesame oil
• 5 tablespoons light soya sauce
• 1 1/2 tablespoons sugar (to taste)
• 3 tablespoons chicken broth (from boiled chicken)

Garnishing

• fresh coriander leaves
• sliced spring onion
• sliced cucumber

  
  

Directions

1. First of all wash the rice then place it on to a tea towel or colander to dry. Then, prepare the chicken.Bring enough water to boil in a large pot.Once boil, add in the salt, ginger,garlic, chicken feet and chicken. Lower the heat and cook chicken for about 20 - 25 minutes, uncovered. It is very important to boil the chicken very slowly over low flame.Turn of flame and cover the pot. Allow the chicken to steep inside for another 20-25 minutes. Remove chicken and immerse it into a basin of cold water for 5-6 minutes.Take chicken out and drain in a colander to drip dry before cutting it into serving pieces.




2. While the chicken is drip drying, prepare the rice.Heat up wok and add in the chicken fat and water.Bring to a low simmering boil until oil is released from the fat. Add in the ginger and garlic and fry well (without burning the garlic) Remove and discard the chicken fat and skin. Add in the rice that has been dried and salt and stir fry briskly about 1 - 2 minutes.Transfer rice into an electric rice cooker or pot. Add in the chicken broth from the boiled chicken together with the screwpine leaves if using.If cooking in a pot, cook over low flame stirring occasionally so as not to let the bottom of the rice burn.Boil until rice is cook. There remaining of the chicken stock could be made into soup, add the ground nuts and salt to taste.
   




3. While the rice is cooking, you can prepare the chilli garlic sauce. Just add all ingredients into a blender or food processor, and give it a good whizz, until ingredients are well blended. Adjust the seasoning with more salt or sugar to taste.The chili garlic sauce can be kept in the refrigerator for about 2-3 days only.




4. To prepare the ginger sauce is the same.give the ingredients a good whiz in the blender.What gives the extra oomph for the sauces is the stock from the chicken broth -- so, do not omit this ingredient.




5. Lastly combine all the ingredients for the chicken sauce and pour it all over the cut up chicken. You can add more soya sauce and chicken broth to the chicken if you prefer. Just adjust the taste of the sauce with soya sauce and chicken broth.If you do not have garlic oil,you can fry a few cloves of garlic in oil for few minutes then take out oil and garlic pour it into a jar, and let the garlic steep inside the oil.




6. Finally, garnish the chicken with the coriander leaves, spring onions and cucumbers. Serve the soup (without or without chicken feet).
   




7. Enjoy meal with the rice and dipping sauces!

You can serve salad with tomato and cucumber for vegetables. Or just fry mustard greens with garlic and oyster sauce.

If you love hainanese chicken rice, this is a must try. I love the simplicity of the taste yet so delicious. And it's easy to prepare even for a novice like me.

The result everyone was satisfied and help themselves with second serving.

I hope there will be enough for tonight.

Happy!

My prayer was answered today. What was it? That's for me to keep ;)

But for now I am thankful and off I go to pray, so that more wishes will be granted.

I am happy!!!